Minor Road Block

Eeeeeeeeek! What a day...and not sure where to start.


I came to the University of North Texas specifically for the journalism school. However, in order to become a major you have to take the GSP (Grammer Spelling and Punctuation) test. Sounds easy, but it is full of tricks. The deal is you can only take it three times and if you fail it the third time you have to change your major. It is divided into three sections. If you pass two of the sections the first time then you only have to take the one section you failed the second time (I hope this is making sense). Well I attempted to take the test this morning...and failed...all three sections. I'm more than devastated and cried most of the day. I have friends who have taken it and have never heard anybody fail every single section. I am sort of broken. My mind has been spinning. I called my parents immediatley, but no answer. Thankfully my step-mom answered who is such a blessing in my life. She attempted to calm me down. It helped some. I was still going crazy though. What if I couldn't pass the test the second or third time? Journalism is my passion and what I do best. I can't even fathom what my major would be if I had to change. My purpose here in Denton seemed questionable. What plan does God have for me if it happens not to be journalism? Why am I here? Why am I the one not to pass the test? I can't even imagine what else I would do with my life. Why does it have to rely on one test? I tried not to be over dramtic, but it was hard. Eventually I came to a conclusion I could live with. First, I need to regain my confidence. Second, journalism is why I believe I am here so I must keep going. Relaxing is something I tend to not be able to do. I must work on my anxiety. If I happen to have to change my major I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

After I got back to my dorm I realized I had spent the entire day feeling sorry for myself and blaming others. I have a friend who has a lower GPA than me, but has past the test. I even thought to myself how unfair it is that I work harder in school, but might be penalized by an exam, yet SHE gets to be a part of the program (some friend I am). I decided to open my devotional, which a lot of days I forget to open (I'm a work in progress).

"Your Word says that pride hardens the heart (Dan. 5:20). Your desire for me is that I be tenderhearted (Eph. 4:32). Please melt any hardness in my heart."

I'll work hard and pray my hardness melts. God will have a beautiful plan for me...whatever it may be.

Also, my devotional today stated these words..."A prisoner unaware is the kind of prisoner most vulnerable to her captors, the easiest prey there is." Who wants to help me out with this one? I feel there must be some irony in these words.

Keep me in your prayers for retake test #2!